1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You work out of a Hotel?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
