sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
