Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
