Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
