A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
