Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Even the bartender felt bad for me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
