why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My ATM looks so different sober.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
