I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
