I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just gargled with NyQuil
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Oh god it's open bar.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
