i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
