she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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