I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
