thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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