That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
