just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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