His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
