Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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