Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Even my vagina gasped.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
