R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
