Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
