she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
