as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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