do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
