idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
