too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
