If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize