Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
