then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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