i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
