he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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