Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
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she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
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I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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