I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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