Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
They have beer where we have blood.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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