Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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