I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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