ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
