I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The air taste purple.
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