you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize