I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
