I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
They are going to name an STD after you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
