Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry schyewater hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(302): View more from Delaware

I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.

Fav 42 1212 7569
share tweet
(603): View more from New Hampshire

just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.

Fav 17 4164 782
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(416): View more from Toronto

We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?

Fav 12 6199 1212
share tweet
(802): View more from Vermont

i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke

Fav 7 1273 4596
share tweet
(419): View more from Ohio

They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.

Fav 11 5240 1103
share tweet
(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"

Fav 6 903 1342
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(405): View more from Oklahoma

We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.

Fav 4 1871 745
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(361): View more from Texas

I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.

Fav 1 571 406
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(540): View more from Virginia

yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina

Fav 4 23 41
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT