Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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