just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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