I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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