I want to stick my p in your. b.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
