look no pants
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
