i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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