Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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