Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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