Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
