I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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