I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
