mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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