Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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