You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
