True but thats because hes a fetus.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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