I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
