It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
