Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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