Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize