it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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