Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
