It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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