i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There r osticjed everywhere
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
