I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
