I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
