return my video game
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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