Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
