If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
