found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize