my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
